Small Talk?

So I experienced something just the other day that reminded me of some of the reasons as to why I wanted to start this blog.  Being termed as a "large family" here in the United States can bring about all kinds of opinions, which often can generate a variety of unsolicited comments and looks.  It can make things rather interesting at times I must say.

Earlier this week, I went to a local grocery store to pick up a few, quick items.  I had just picked up the girls from school and I was taking all of my kiddos inside with me.  As I entered the store with all my kiddos in toe and as we were all smiling and chatting while Crazy Paizy was telling me about her day at school, we were interrupted by a woman leaving the store.  She asked me if all the kids were mine, and I replied with a huge smile, "Yes, they are all mine."  She proceeded to give me quite a look and responded with, "I feel sorry for you." I looked blankly at her for a second and proceeded to continue to walk on when I said something to the effect of, "Don't be.  We are good."  For which, her mouth dropped wide open, almost as if she was shocked by my response and thought I was some kind of Bible beater.

I went a little further inside the store, when I stopped as the girls and I started commenting about the lady's rude statement.  I told the girls that I was offended as Sky Baby asked what was a statement like that supposed to mean and why did the lady ask it?  Sky Baby's face explained it all to me.  Her expression confirmed to me that I had every right to be offended by such a rude statement and I will explain to you as to why.

So through another media outlet, other people got wind of my displeasure.  People voiced their opinions and let me know they liked what I said.  But I did have some people come to the defense of the other woman claiming that it was probably just her way of having "small talk."  I responded saying that I wasn't going to be privy to such kinds of "small talk" and here is why.

First of all, I am not one of those people who believes that people are innately good.  On the contrary, I believe that humans are innately sinful.  They are sinners who are in need of Jesus Christ, our Savior.  I had first hand experience with this woman's tone and expression, and for me it was not of a good and nice nature; however, I cannot be sure entirely what her true intentions were when she made that remark.  Perhaps she was just trying to simply strike up small talk, but I have a problem with that kind of small talk regardless of the intentions behind such remarks.

When somebody makes a comment like "I feel sorry for you" after you answered their question about all of the kids being yours, what is that person trying to achieve in such small talk as that?  It seems to me that they would like the mom [me] to agree with their statement, and to start complaining about her kids, and all she does for them, while standing amongst her children she speaks ill about.  It is as if that person wants the mom to start a pity party of sorts right in front of her children, which is undoubtedly wrong to do.

Now don't take me wrong.  There are challenges that do come with parenting as many children as I have; and I do experience some "moments" (as I like to call them and if you can get my drift) while out in public.  In fact, two of my children proceeded to have some brief horse play inside the very store just minutes after the lady made her comment; however, I addressed the situation and moved on.  I left as I had come in--smiling.  Parenting four children isn't always easy, however, I am blessed to be their mom.  They have blessed me and molded me into the person I am today; and therefore, I will not take part in such kinds of small talk.  I will not degrade my children, and I will most certainly not degrade my children in front of them and with a stranger who is supposedly trying to strike-up some kind of small talk!

Okay! Okay!

Okay! Okay! I just might start this one up again soon!

I have some posts stirring in my head ranging anywhere from our backyard, to travel tips, to pet beetles (yes! pet beetles) and more!

Ending

I am making this my last post on this blog.  Being a busy mom of four, having two blogs to keep track of is just too much for me.  One is enough. So with that said, Doors is just way more important of blog for me than this one is; therefore, I will continue that one while ending this one.  You may read glimpses of this blog in Doors every once in a while too!

Keeping A Tighter Ship (It Is Okay To Make A Course Correction)

I love all of my kiddos dearly.  Love every single one of them immensely!  And I love mothering them; however, there are certain aspects of motherhood that I do not like as much as others.  Sometimes as a mom, it is okay to change up your approach too!

I tend to be a fun loving mom who is strict to some degree too.  It just depends what is involved and what is going on.  I can play and be light-hearted but I can be stern when I need to be as well.   While I desire to have my kids enjoy spending time with me, and I them as well, I do not desire that I have to be their best friend.  I just want to have a good relationship with them.

As a mom, I wear many hats and have to take various approaches on a variety of things, especially when addressing a situation or an obstacle.  Many times, I set out going one direction, but often I have to make a few course corrections to get to the desired destination--a.k.a. outcome.  Sometimes you just can't get stuck in one frame of mind or one means of an approach as a parent, especially when you have a few kiddos like myself.  You have to be willing to change things up a bit, if you are invested in your kids lives.

Don't be stubborn or fool-hearted to change up your parenting style, if what you are doing isn't working.  Take me and homework time for instance.  Just know that my least favorite time of the day, is homework time.  It can be crazy and chaotic around here.  With two girls coming home from school with homework and folders for me to go through while having an energetic and passionate 2-year-old awake and running around with an infant who is not quite on a preferred afternoon nap schedule as of yet, homework time can be a huge undertaking and sometimes overwhelming. 

Before Big Mac arrived, (Yes, he may have two nicknames on here!  The other one being Big Boy!) I approached homework a certain way.  However, as the weeks went by, that old way of doing things wasn't working anymore.  I had to switch it up for every one's sake.  Not only for mine but theirs too.  My yelling wasn't good for anyone, but near chaos wasn't good for the girls academics either.  So I had to switch things up and make things as structured as possible while being forced to be very strict.

Between 3 PM to 3:30 PM, the kids chill and enjoy a snack after school.  At 3:30 most days we start homework time with share and prayer time.  (We take the time to talk about school that day and then we pray for their school.)  After that, as the kids are sitting on the floor in front of me, I review the homework time rules and ask them questions about it.  Each child must raise their hand to be called upon.  Our rules include hands to ourselves, quiet and/or no talking, do not invade another's study space, raising hands when they need me or have a question, and answering me with a "Yes, Mom" when I give them a command or an answer so that I know that they heard me, etc.  And any infraction, like rough housing and wrestling for example, is a mandatory time out.  While in time out, if one of them as much as mutters a word, their time is extended.  I have had to send kids into time out in an instant for longer periods of  time than I ever used to imagine I would.  If someone merely shouts once during homework, they are doomed to the timeout spot without so much as a pause.  I have had to get real strict to make homework time more efficient and effective.  They get the warning at the beginning of homework time, after that I don't give any warnings.  If a rule is broken, they go straight into timeout.  I have no time for the three-strikes-your-out-system anymore, that I often found myself doing.  It wasn't working, so I had to do what it took to make things move more smoothly.

I was forced to keep a tighter ship, but that is okay.  I had to become firm, stern, and a disciplinarian during homework time.  It was sad for me at first, but I am starting to see how my kids are benefiting from it now.  I think they are respecting me more, and hence, will respect other people of authority more in the end too.  And homework time is going much better.  It took the kids about 2 to 3 weeks to get used to my stricter study time, but they have gotten used to it and homework time is going smoother. With as many kids as I have, I don't have time to fool around and handout a bunch of warnings.  They need to do what I say when I say it.  A larger family means a tighter ship with Scot and I at the helm.

Hand Soap

Yes, you read the title to this post correctly!  I am going to write a quick blurb about hand soap and how it pertains to this family.  I still have a slue of other things that I would like to write about, but this one is going to be the quickest at the moment; and I bought new hand soap yesterday morning, which just makes sense to write about it today!

So Scot and I have recently come to a conclusion about hand soap as it pertains to this family.  First, it started about 7 years ago, when Scot and I were young, new parents.  Back in those days, we barely had a dime to our name at the end of each month and after all of our bills had been paid.  We bought cheap hand soap by the bulk to save money.  As the years went by and as more kids entered the picture, we continued to purchase hand soap the same way.  However, I started to desire that someday we could have nice hand soap from Bath and Body Works.  I would go to my sisters' houses and other homes and almost be envious of their soap!  And I thought that their soap was all kinds of fancy!  LOL!  Can you believe that!

Anyways, as the years rolled by, and as Scot worked his arse off and moved up the food chain at his work to help better provide for our family, the dollar bills haven't been as hard to come by anymore.  So just about 6 months ago, I finally bought a slue of hand soap from Bath and Body Works!  Yippee!  A happy and joyous day!  I was beaming with delight!  I had always loved their kind of soap that had the granules in it.  Liked how they felt when I scrubbed my hands.  Therefore, that kind was my obvious choice for my first two sets of purchases of soap in various scents (of course!) that yours truly with her nose sniffed out!  I was on a hand soap high!  Ha Ha!

After several weeks, however, Scot and I realized that the soap with the granules in it, were not the best choice for our household and I will tell you why.  With as many people as we have washing our hands, especially that of the smaller-hand-sized variety, it would just leave all kinds of a mess in our sinks!  The pellets and granules would just stick to the base of our sinks when the kids dripped loads of hand soap all over the place.  I would constantly have to scrub the sink to get the mess left behind from my kids.  When left be, the granules would also just streak bright colors in our sinks when water would hit them as they began to dissolve.  It would just constantly leave an unsightly mess for me to clean.

So I went out yesterday, to Bath and Body Works, with the objective to still purchase my coveted scented hand soap; however, I got the foam kind instead with the hopes that there will be less mess in my sinks to clean up!

What Is Considered New?

This is the time of the year, when I start planning and purchasing clothes for the kids for warmer weather.  A few weeks ago, I started taking inventory of what the kids have to help determine what the kids need, and sometimes, perhaps, what they want.  I do this twice a year.  Once in the late summer to prep for the fall and winter, and once in late winter to help prep for the spring and summer months.  I do this so that I can start purchasing their clothes slowly over several weeks so that our wallet doesn't take a huge hit all at one time with shopping for our four kiddos.

I almost always buy each child brand new swimwear, one brand new first day of school outfit, one brand new Easter outfit as well as about two brand new pairs of shoes each weather season at least.  Everything else, however, is up for anything so to speak.  They can come home brand new from a store, especially when there is a nice deal, or used from a consignment shop (Though I have to say that I have found brand new, with tags still on, apparel from such shops for only a few bucks!), or hand-me-downs from someone else.

This year, the boys are looking like they will be getting mostly new clothes or some from that of consignment shopping.  The girls on the other hand, will becoming from hand-me-downs.  Crazy Paizy will be mostly wearing Sky Baby's old clothes (with exception to some new shoes, Easter dress and swimsuit) while Sky Baby will be pulling out her warm weather clothes from two bags of hand-me-downs that we are blessed to have received. 

This past late summer, however, during the middle of the seasonal clothes shift and school shopping, Sky Baby ended up getting some brand spanking, new outfits from the store, with more coming from a consignment shop.  Crazy Paizy, however, wasn't so lucky.  She was going to use a bunch of Sky Baby's old clothes (FYI--Since then she did get two new pairs of jeans and three sets of leggings because she managed to put holes in Sky Baby's old ones and when we saw an outfit that screamed out Crazy Paizy, we didn't hesitate to get her a new outfit too just because she is the younger sister who deserves not to always wear just her sister's old clothes).

As Sky Baby, however, was going through her new clothes and as I was washing all the various sets of clothes for the kids, poor Crazy Paizy shrugged her shoulders and said sadly, "Why don't I get new clothes?"

"The majority of Sky Baby's clothes are second hand bought at a consignment shop," I replied.  "Meaning that even though most of them came from a shop, most of them were already worn by somebody else."

Crazy Paizy looked at me.

"They are new to her and this household perhaps,  but many of Sky Baby's clothes are either from that store or from family friends." I continued,  "They are clothes that are still in great shape and we don't need to waste perfectly good clothes just for the sake of buying something new, which for us means that it has never before been worn by anyone else," I said.  "When there is a need or something stands out of the clothes rack at the store, we will buy something new; however, for the most part we get and wear what is new to us, especially for you kids who are growing quickly, and who easily spoil clothes."

She smiled.

We don't have to have the best stuff on the largest scale.  With a family of six we are flexible.  We are opened minded about the fact that kids grow fast; kids will be kids in their clothes; and we have gotten healthier financially by not just buying whatever, whenever, and for the sake of brand names.  If it looks good we get it; and it is new to us!  We do what is practical. 

You Can Make Anything A Moment

So after I wrote my last post, I did almost immediately feel bad about neglecting my boys that morning for the most part, especially that of Little Man.  They still got their snacks--all be it whether it was fruit snacks for Little Man or my breast milk for Big Boy!  And I did continue to potty train Little Man, change Big Boy's diapers, and I did get both boys dressed and such; however, I didn't spend much play time with them either that morning.  I didn't give them quiet time with me and my full attention. By the end of the morning, it truly broke my heart. 

There is a fine line between selflessness as a mom and needed my time as a mom; and I continue to struggle to find what that balance is and what it should look like. 

Anyways, right now with all my kiddos being up before the butt-crack-of-dawn lately, which causes me to have to struggle a good chunk of the morning between their needs and my need to just get dressed and presentable, it leaves me with less of a morning to do household chores like laundry and such causing me to have even less time to have one-on-one time with my kids I am afraid.  I am feeling like that there is just not enough of me to go around lately and I hate feeling that way right now.

Again, I feel like Little Man has gotten the worst end of the deal at the moment.  Over the last two years, Little Man has been shuttled to and fro to get his sisters where they have needed to be; and then with his new baby brother around and needing attention from me, I feel like Little Man isn't getting the attention that he deserves.  Scot has reminded me that I have felt this way for each child as a new baby has come along; and in the end, I will probably feel like Big Boy has been slighted when he is being shuttled around here and there, to and fro, at the expense of his siblings and their school demands and extra curricular activities.  I think through out my motherhood, I will always waffle with whom I feel is getting shafted at the time... just cause that is how I feel about things so often...

Anyways, today is about Little Man to a degree and the others in retrospect as well. 

I have come to the realization through parenting recently and trying to find time to have quiet time with Little Man in between the needs of my other children, that you can make anything a moment...

That is right.  You can create a moment of bonding in the midst of other things... anything... and stop limiting yourself to what you think those moments should look like. 

Thankfully, Little Man has a helping spirit.  He loves to help me with a variety of chores in a way that his other siblings never did or enjoyed at his age.  He is a go getter and often takes the initiative to help me.  So our quiet times have often been surrounded by a chore such as laundry and dusting.  Sometimes, I take the opportunity to talk about colors or counting as we fold laundry and such.  He gets a big smile on his face believe it or not! Earlier today, I told him that I was going to make time for him and he asked about us dusting!  Go figure!

One morning, I needed to get soup going in the crockpot; and once again, my morning was fleeting by quickly.  I asked Little Man if he wanted to help make the soup with me.  I did not realize how much he would enjoy making it and how proud he would be to serve it to everyone later on that evening.  He and I had a great experience while making the soup. 

I have found that you can make bonding moments out of anything.  Your bonding times don't have to be over play time, craft time, games or baking cookies.  You can make other times count too. 

With a family as large as mine, this has been an important aspect of parenting all of my kiddos.  I am glad to have come to this realization.  I hope it has helped you too!